For years I obsessed

with body weight and workouts.

I used to wake up every morning at 5 AM

and spend two hours at the gym before work Monday through Friday

I did 10 Whole 30s over the course of four years

I completely change my eating habits

yet still nothing “happened”.

 

Through all of my hard work, I still felt “not completely me”

 

I developed irrational non-negotiables for cheese and bread

but instead ate endless amounts of Laurabars and Paleo desserts.

 

I took many progress pics over the years so I could see all of this hard work pay off.

Surely it would all be worth it once I looked “better”.

But I didn’t enjoy working out. At all.

Whole30 was making me sorta crazy.

I felt restricted. Not free.

My own choices felt hard… not easy.

 

So I stopped working out.

I quit my job and left the life I knew.

I stopped freaking out about bread and cheese and beer and beans.

I stopped obsessing over the rules of Whole30

and how many squats will lift my ass an inch higher.

 

I stopped so I could start living my life.

 

Earlier this year I stepped on the scale out of curiosity

and I saw a number I haven't seen in probably 10 years

I was kind of in disbelief so gave it a redo

Same number, same me.

I didn't feel like I'd accomplished anything, because I wasn't trying to.

 

I’ve just been living a life that feels good

And this body of mine followed suit.

 

The only change I've made is:

my relationship to myself

 

Asking:

What do I want?

How do I want to feel?

Am I full?

Do I feel the need to move? to sweat?

What do I need right now to feel good?

 

I eat in the moment now. I'm not worried about my food choices for the next 30 days, I'm just interested in now. This is my story - and only a short piece of it.

My experience is mine and we are all different, but I do believe one thing to be true for us all:

Working on relationship to self will do more for you than working out, eating Whole30, or reading any damn book.

 

What’s your relationship with yourself like?

How might you treat yourself like someone you love?

 

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